Ascendancy Awards in Dallas June 27
KEY TAKE AWAYS, KEY TAKE AWAYS, KEY TAKE AWAYS
- Women are tremendous networkers
- In the workplace women are not tremendous at leveraging their network
Now it seems to me….
- Out of the workplace, women leverage their network quite well “…do you know a good mechanic?…”, “…can you pick up johnny and take him to soccer?…”, “…can you recommend a good orthopedic?…” —and so on.
So if you put together the facts that women network well AND, women leverage their networks quite well outside of work—-then all that is left is to make this transference of what women already do well, to the workplace.
Coaching Tip: (if you are uncomfortable with networking)
- Make present and available in your thinking—networking comes natural to you and the key aspect of ‘leveraging’ your network—also comes natural to you
- In the next 0-48 hours surface a need that you could call upon your network for
- Make the call. My guess is you will get fulfilling results.
3 Quick Tips to Increase Confidence
- Q.–What differentiates the perception of “She seems unsure” vs. “She seems confident”?
- A.—SHE. S.H.E.
- S = Smile
- H = Handshake
- E = Eye Contact
- Works everytime! Why?
- Smile-- relaxes you, relaxes them
- Handshake-- breaks the ice, involves the others (relaxes them, relaxes you), a handshake is a physical demonstration of control (the good kind!—control of self, control of the situation) and that enhances your credibility and sense of confidence. –Particularly women because a) women are still reticent to handshake and b) men aren’t sure whether to hold open a door, shake a hand etc—so when it comes to handshakes they default to doing nothing and letting the female take the lead. When a woman extends a hand, it speaks volumes and relaxes everyone.
- Eye Contact—Many, when nervous or feeling less than confident avoid eye contact in a sense to avoid facing the enemy (ok, a bit drastic, but you know what I mean). When in fact, the most sure way of grounding yourself and attracting others to you is authentic eye contact.
- I began by saying S.H.E. shifts others perception of you…I will end by saying, try walking into your next meeting, Smile, extend a Handshake and look your client in the Eye——-You’ll feel the shift in you…a positive shift in your level of confidence.
Communicate Results. You’ll Be Heard
Communicate Results. You’ll be Heard
To be heard, communicate results vs. activity. Communicate results vs. opinion. Or when you make a recommendation, back it up with results. When you don’t, too much is left to conjecture, and credibility is lost. You become the debate vs. the facts at hand. Here is an example I heard on the radio recently:
Individuals involved in this story:
- Tiger Woods—Golf Pro
- Hank Haney—Golf coach (who has been working with Tiger Woods on Tiger’s swing)
- Johnny Miller—T.V. Golf Analyst—retired Golf Pro
- Johnny Miller gave the hot sports opinion that Tiger Woods, personal issues aside, had not benefitted from the tutelage of Hank Haney. In fact, his being off his game was due to changing his swing and that his swing was not as effective. His poor performance in recent tournaments was evidence.
What ensued was a great deal of controversy, differing opinions—Was this true? Not true? Debate, debate, debate.
Then Hank Haney responded with ‘results’ (I am paraphrasing a bit) “…Before working with me, Tiger Woods won 23% of the tournaments he entered and finished in the top 3 in 42% of the tournaments he entered. After working with me, Tiger won 44% of the tournaments he entered and finished in the top 3 of 63% of the tournaments he entered…”
In business, communicate results—You’ll be heard, debate over.
Ask. Women Need to Ask.
My recent experience of facilitating a group, that group gathered to participate in a discussion around the book Women Don’t Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide by Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever was a tremendous opportunity to see very accomplished women in business at work. The ages ranged from millennials to boomers and the industries ranged from children’s clothing to tax law.
I’ll start with the premise of the book as stated by Randy Mayeaux of Creative Communications “…Women negotiate ineffectively because they don’t ask. They don’t ask for raises, promotions, opportunities. As women learn to ask, and they start asking, and they reframe negotiations, they will overcome the disadvantage of the gender divide in negotiations…”. (This is the premise of the book, not necessarily a reflection of Mr. Mayeux’s view).
Here was an interesting point, that after an interview for a job when you ask a man how the salary negations went, he will tell you. When you ask a woman how the salary negotiations went how do you think she will respond? “What salary negotiations?”. Wow. Telling isn’t it? This approach to ‘not asking’ often practiced by women adds up, according to Babcock and Laschever (promotions, cost of living increases etc) to men earning 13% higher on day one and 33% higher at career peak for equivalent work and performance. Ouch.
So in the discussion with our group, after this info was shared with them, I asked for their experiences. Their response to a person a) no one had negotiated the salary offered them and b) to a person including a senior manager in HR knew of male colleagues who on day one started with a higher salary than they did. Why? The male colleague asked.
So what to do with all of this? Well, the easy answer is to coach you to ‘start asking for what you want’. Although sound, and hey, go for it… You might consider a first step is to know the consequences of not asking, (the Babcock/Laschever book is an excellent source, so is Get Paid What You are Worth by Robin Pinkley and Gregory Northcraft) and then make and informed choice.
Equally important, know that you come into any negotiation with a distinct advantage—as a woman you are wired (nature and nurture) to negotiate in a way that focuses on collaboration and building relationships. Many studies over many years show that this affinity for cooperation and seeking outcomes that are good for everyone in a negotiation produce negotiated solutions that greatly exceed the outcomes of negotiations that come from an “I win you lose” mentality.
Bottom line…? Go for it ladies, step out of your comfort zone, ask for what you want-don’t expect others to read your mind AND…don’t internalize and sacrifice—it only hurts you. Because you possess the affinity for collaboration that comes natural to you your bandwidth for asking for what you want without alienating is very wide—you’ve got plenty of wiggle room here.
Communicating Through Storytelling (3 of 3)
COMMUNICATING THROUGH STORYTELLING–Another example!
High School Sports Banquet. Student athletes took the podium to thank their teams and share a fondest high school memory
Storytelling speaker: High School Senior Cheerleader @ J.J. Pearce High School in Richardson Texas
The message: Thanking her team
Story—She said her fondest memories of her cheer squad were around their common love for food, and how food conquered all. “So I will use food to describe us as a team” She went on to pick a burrito and said that each of them were like ingredients in the best burrito ever! It took the rice, beans, meat, cheese, hot sauce etc. all mixed in there together to make a fabulous burrito “…and if any of those ingredients were missing on any given day, the burrito just wasn’t as fabulous…” She said “…and Angie our sponsor is like the tortilla, she just wraps herself around us with support…she gives us shape and purpose and discipline. Without her we wouldn’t be a team, what would hold us together?, we’d just be ingredients spread all over the plate, we wouldn’t be the best burrito ever!..” and so on.
Now you tell me, out of all the thank you speeches given that night, which one do you think people remembered that next Monday morning? Which one am I writing about? Just that one. Just the burrito cheerleader.
Through stories, you will impact people at a head heart and gut level. Others will not only remember your message AND internalize it, but more importantly…they will communicate it to others.
“The ear of the leader must ring with the voices of the people.”
A leaders’ focus on listening leads to more effective teamwork, higher productivity, fewer conflicts and errors, enhanced innovation and problem-solving, improved recruiting and retention, superior customer relations and more. As authors on leadership development have noted through the years, listening is not just a nice thing to do, it’s essential.
The quote from Woodrow Wilson, so eloquently articulates the importance of listening for truly effective leadership. Engaging the hearts and minds of others is the path to visions being realized. Listening is the cornerstone of that engagement. Visionary, Isaac Newton states it as well as any leader ever could
“If I have seen further, it’s only by standing on the shoulders of giants”,
Be sure to listen, there are many giants among you.
Communicating Through Storytelling (2 of 3)
COMMUNICATING THROUGH STORYTELLING EXAMPLE:
Many years ago…yet the example remains crystal clear to me today. An address to the University of Michigan incoming MBA class
Storytelling speaker: Bob Knowling, at that time an executive with U.S. West’s Telephone Network
The message told through story: Be a catalyst for change.
Story—he tells the story of growing up in poverty and an incident that changed his life—the incident galvanized his passion to be a catalyst for change. As one of 13 children, he tells the story of the time he was even years old and he was standing in the welfare line with his mother. When his mother inquired as to whether she could use the stamps to buy more peanut butter as less of something else (as it was a food item that stretched further than others) The response to his mom was ‘if you’d thought about that before having all these kids, you wouldn’t be having to beg for more peanut butter’. It was that incident that was the catalyst for change for his mother to get off welfare and work hard to deliver the message to her children to take responsibility for their lives and to always give back to those in need, without judgement. It compelled him to finish high school, college and to this day fuels his drive and success. A lot of the students in the audience that day might not remember Bob Knowling’s name, but they remember the ‘peanut butter guy’ and the delivery of message so powerful that the silence in the room screamed.
Communicating Through Storytelling (1 of 3)
COMMUNICATING THROUGH STORYTELLING
Just this past week I was engaged with a number of executives, gathered to focus on their communications skills. It was an outstanding group, very savvy and quite well spoken.
What stood out? Those leaders that delivered their message through storytelling
I know there is a lot of ‘press’ about storytelling and I fear it gets sluffed off because people are tired of hearing about storytelling. PLEASE DON’T SLUFF IT OFF. When you hear a message in regular old business speak doesn’t it just make you want to jam a pencil in your eye—I’m not saying the messages delivered in regular old business speak aren’t important, are you kidding me? I’m a believer that business makes the world go round. But if the message gets lost because it is mired in business speak—then everyone’s time is wasted. A message isn’t mired when it people internalize and remember it, and that internalization and remembering are accomplished via storytelling. A story doesn’t have to involve elaborate research or delivered by a ruby throated orator—–rather it can be an example, experience you had at work, an experience you had OUTSIDE of work or an analogy, just to name a few. So call it storytelling, call it keeping it real and authentic, name it as you wish, but know that storytelling is, and always has been a means by which a message is internalized and remembered AND a means by which people like to learn.
No 25th Hour in the Day?
If You Can’t Create That 25th Hour, What Can You Do?
“What time is it? You mean now?”
Clients tell me the #1 thing they want more of is time
In your individual journey and quest, would it be too presumptuous of me to surmise that you too would love more time? And is it too obvious for me to state that as much as you would love more time you have but 24 hours in your day…no more and no less? A conundrum.
There is no doubt you are not idle, indeed you are very, very busy. So the actions you take, have to count right? If you can’t create a 25th hour you can, by making your actions count, create space and energy to do the things you want to do to grow your business. There are 2 gems I would like to share with you that deliver the message that the actions you take can produce exponential results—in fact, exponential results that can be achieved effortlessly (sign me up for that!).
Gem #1 :
212: The Extra Degree by Sam Parker and Mac Anderson—The link is to a video message. Its purpose is to inspire the extra level of effort that produces exponential results.
You 2: A High Velocity Formula for Multiplying Your Personal Effectiveness in Quantum Leaps by Price Pritchett—The link is to Amazon, one of various means to acquire the book.—The message promotes an unconventional, strategy for achieving breakthrough performance while expending less effort
Your efforts can produce exponential results.
Trust that you have barely scratched the surface of what you can accomplish.
Words That Work, Language That Leads
Words that Work, Language that Leads
Ever had the situation where you made a recommendation at a meeting, lots of ideas get discussed, someone later makes the same recommendation you made earlier and everyone says “Dave, that’s a great idea!” You are sitting there wondering “hmmm when I made that recommendation, did I not say it out loud?”
This example and situations like them are common for women in the workplace. What you say, and how you say it is critical to being heard, communicating effectively and leading with conviction and confidence.
In fact 93% of the your effectiveness is not your subject matter expertise but rather your body language, voice (inflection etc) word choice and structure that has the real ‘pow’.
The Words That Work, Language That Leads Blog entries will help women in the workplace increase their confidence, perceptions and success through effective communications